There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
