Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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