Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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