We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
