Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
