Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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