ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
