Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
