to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
