i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
