Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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