she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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