nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize