you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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