I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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