theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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