Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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