After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
