We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
