just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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