I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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