I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
