Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
