nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
