Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
