is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
