i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize