So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
