I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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