theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
