wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
