You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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