a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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