he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
