We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
