Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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