I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
