Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
