the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize