I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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