Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
