Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She bit a glass in half.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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