that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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