I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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