Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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