"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
