I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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