my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
