Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
