Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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