if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
