It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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