well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
