i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
