He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
