dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm passing your future prison.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
