Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
