I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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