If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's never too late to be topless.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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