I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize