im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
