its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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